Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
