I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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