Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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