It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
