Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
