new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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