i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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