Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
