If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
