What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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