"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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