don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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