I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
