just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
