TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
