she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Randomize
