3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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