My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
