U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
fuck your aforementioned shoe
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
