My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize