I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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