i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
