okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
