Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
