last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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