His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Too much gin, very little bucket
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
