I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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