i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
