Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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