why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
