i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
