the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
