Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
No subtext here. People are naked.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
