3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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