He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
