Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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