hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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