You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
