remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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