I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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