I just cut my nipple shaving
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
