my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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