some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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