If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
