the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
