I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
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