Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
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I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
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I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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