saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
