what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
