I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
