oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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