i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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