Someone shit on the floor
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
