This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
