I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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