I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
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