the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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