I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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