My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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