I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
