I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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