So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
