she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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