I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
