I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
