Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
