so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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