i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I queefed so loud it echoed.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
