we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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