drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
