that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
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i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
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michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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