Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
