Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
