i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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